Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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