it's like iHOP with fire
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
