I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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