that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
