Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ladies don't puke and tell
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
