I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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