I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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