update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
