I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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