Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
