I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
