I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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