is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
