hotel room ftw
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They took my balls.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
