Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
