No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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