hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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