Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
