i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
