That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
