I'm gonna have a badass scar
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
