Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
