Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
