we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
