remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
