Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
