im drinking this country out of the recession.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
