My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
