I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
