You're completely useless in the revolution.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
