Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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