i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
