man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
