Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
