Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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