planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
