everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
