The maid of honor just puked.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're too hungover to prance.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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