They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
