So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
