O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
