My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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