that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
