yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Of course I have a pirate flag
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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