My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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