I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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