You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
