Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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