His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
