She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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