The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
