I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
