I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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