There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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